Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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