She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
