Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
