So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
