I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
