I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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