Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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