I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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