It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
