It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
