There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
