You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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