his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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