I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
