i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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