So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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