No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
