hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
