Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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