she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
