sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
