Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found a bag of teeth...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
