Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
