How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize