i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
