ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
