And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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