After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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