Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
