great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
