Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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