I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
