white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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