Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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