mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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