Just mADE A PArabola og urine
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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