Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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