dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
