I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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