Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
