four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
