i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
