I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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