I think my fart just growled at me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
