there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
