hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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