he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
