shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
