very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
