So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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