im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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