there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
