i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
