whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
