I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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