It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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