im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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