I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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