It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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