I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
