Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
