we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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