I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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