I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
