smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
