I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
