i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
