We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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