entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
