im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
