As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
